Graduated... Weird

So this last weekend I spent my Saturday with my parents and Grandparents graduating from College. That's a little weird. It was five years ago when I graduated from High School. That was cool. I still felt young back then. Now I feel older and in need to be responsible. Is it normal to want to resist that as much as possible, the whole responsibility thing? I recently have been developing a friendship with someone who loves to act like a kid. She makes smiley faces with the food on her plate, she plays in the hail even when it is pummeling her. She makes me think if it is possible to still be a kid and be a resonsibile adult, and my conclusion is that you can. She does, get things done that is, while holding onto her youthful side. I admire her for that and want to learn how to tap into that.

I think I forget to have fun a lot of the time. Here I am, out of school essentially for the next few years (well, almost [stupid Spanish test]), in need to begin a responsible life, and yet there is a side to me that loves the idea of wandering the US, scraping by by doing street performance or selling origami or something. I long for adventure. I really want to be an old grandpa one day and have the most amazing stories to tell my grandkids about what went on right now in my life.

Everyone keeps asking me what is next for me, what my plans are for the future. I've come to terms with that... The whole not knowing thing and the fact that the question is unavoidable. I don't know what's next, and I like that. It's mysterious, not knowing. I may live in Colorado again in seven and a half weeks, working for my Alma Mater, I don't know. I may be a bum, bumming off my parents... again and still. I may be finding a girlfriend, I may be in Nicaragua within the year, I may be settled at a nice job in CA. I may get in an accident and die, I may win the lottery. I just don't know and it's okay. It is good.

I see the Lord in the present. He's in my circumstances. He's not in a panic, looking around, expecting danger to jump out at any moment. He's at peace and joyful and fixed on my face, waiting for me to look back on him. I am and I will continue to. I do not fear what's next, if I will succeed, whether I will be happy. I already know the answer. Regardless of where I go, what I do, who I'm with, one companion I trust will be by my side and that is Christ. And that is all the difference in the world, for I know my path is good when He is in my life guiding me.

I've been meditating on a passage of Scripture and I want to share it. Philippians 3:7-4:1 says:

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!

There are years that could be spent digesting all that rich word, but to only begin a nibble, may I say I desire Paul's heart for myself. I want to be that focused on Christ, for He alone is enough to get through it, and all others who say there is another way or it needn't be so extreme are liars or immature in the faith, or scared to walk that path themselves, rationalizing away the need. I don't want to be an enemy of the cross of Christ. I want to "continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling" (Phil 2:12).

I may come off as extreme, but I feel passionately that many are lying to themselves, ignoring their God-given consciences, convincing themselves that there is no need to seek God fervently. There is a need, a strong need and all those who don't are wasting precious time. I love and find hope in the fact that Christ eagerly awaits the moment a heart turns toward him and that salvation is readily available even on a dying breath. But I fear many who have heard the good news of Christ love, avoid the issue of their rebellion and give in to the fatigue of the race, losing pace, dosing off during a rest, sleeping precious moments of life and opportuntiy away. I've been there and failed like that. I'm done with that sloth. How many, though, are still sleeping?