The Other Side of Grace

What is grace? What does it accomplish for us -- Christians in relationship with God?


Well, grace is a gift from God. 


Ephesians 2:1 says we "were dead in the trespasses and sins in which [we] once walked,"  that in our brokenness, we merely looked to the world and culture around us to cue us on how to live. We "lived in the passions of the flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind." 


The grace of God is that though we were offensive to Him in such a state, He loved us and saved us from that sinful state.  This salvation hinges on our embracing of God's sacrifice in Jesus' death, and confidence in the fact that He rose from the grave in new life. "For by grace you have been saved through faith" (Eph. 2:8). 


But is that it?


Grace is forgiveness of our sins for those who believe... We and God are straight, and nothing else changes? 


I think this is how I have lived much of my Christian faith: "sure, I'm forgiven because I allow Jesus' sacrifice to be enough to right my wrongs... but these sins that I hate committing won't really cease until I go to Heaven." 


But that's not really the picture Ephesians 2 paints at all.  


Ephesians 2:4-7 says: "But God, being rich in mercy [yeah, yeah. got it - forgiveness], because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses [yep, God's love is great], made us alive together with Christ -- by grace you have been saved -- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Whaaaaa...? There is ANOTHER SIDE to grace?!

This blows me away! You mean I can actually live for real... now?! In the eternal realm, I'm already positioned in a place of high esteem, but within this current existence Christ is only going to continue to reveal how kind He is toward us who embrace Him? 

His grace is immeasurably rich... for life!!!

I think there are a few ways in which I can now go on in life after realizing this little Scriptural treasure:

• I could doubt it. "This isn't for me. This doesn't describe my experience." Such a posture is like God handing me a big gift-wrapped box, only for me to relax my grip and let the gift fall to the ground.
• I could play the grammar game and interpret it as a future promise. "Well, the coming ages are arguably not here yet... that's Heaven." But that ignores that all of what Christ has done for us WAS ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED; "made us alive... have been saved... raised us up... seated us..." Had all things happened to us only for us to remain unchanged? I think not.
• I could embrace God's grace in faith and live anew. I could get excited about the notion that God actually desires more for my existence than the dreariness of the day in and day out... and then go seek it out!

The other side of grace is only realized, however, when the fear that paralyzes us is addressed. God's perfect love casts out all fear.  Seek His face, behold the kindness of the King, and we will find the constitution to dare to live... abundantly. That's the Kingdom coming, His will done on earth as it is in Heaven.

That's exciting to me.

Unpackageable

I am thoroughly enjoying life right now!

So many exciting things are happening:

    I finished my thesis and graduated from Grad School.
    I proposed to the love of my life and she said "yes!"
    Trying to figure out how to "do church," our little community has seemed to rediscover the
      importance of pursuing God's presence and we're excited to see what happens when we give Him
      room to act.
    And just this week, a church in St. Pete, FL expressed interest in financially backing a non-profit
      coffee house & sandwich shop business that Cary and I could potentially start up & manage and
      use to foster community and belonging. Now there's a lot of things to research and people's brains
      to pick in the months/years to come.

I have much for which to be thankful. I've pressed through adversity only by the grace of God and His generous provision and emerged victorious. I've prioritized community and relationships that edify and uplift me - that foster growth and maturity - and have begun to see my true self surface. Doors have been open for opportunities in the future. And my faith is dynamic and the power of God is manifesting!

Within the last few weeks, God has re-taught me an important lesson about Himself:

God doesn't fit very well in a box. He is unpackageable.

I think that's why the Ark of the Covenant was temporary; God was compelled to reveal Himself in newer, fresher, more spectacular ways. Only through the dynamic person of Jesus of Nazareth, and the Spirit's movement through a multi-million member Church could He truly be adequately represented on earth.

I am blogging all of this to remember; Scripture commands us to remember the good works of God. In a recent sermon by my friend, brother in the faith and ministry partner, Michael Clancey shared how God had ceased to "show up" as he entered a new season of his life. No longer could he rely on his trusted method of encountering God through solitude and worship. Michael used to trust that if he postured himself on the floor, put on worship music in the privacy of his room, and attributed praise to the worthy God, that He would show up and His presence would be felt... That method worked great for that season, when he needed to foster an intimacy with his Heavenly Father. But too much isolation can become harmful. God wanted to show up in a new way. I think He also doesn't like to become part of a formula; do this + that --> encounter with God. The lesson Michael took from this was that God wanted to reveal Himself in community, where He would be encountered in the midst of a community of grace.

When he shared this, I was reminded of a similar box-breaking experience I had in college.
I had only known & walked with God for about 7 years, and only attended one church. I knew I could expect God to interact with me in a select few ways: I could feel comfort and peace in worship, I could learn wisdom and truth from Scripture, and I could glean guidance from partnering with other Christians, as they share their insights.

When it actually came time for me to transfer to a four-year university to finish my undergraduate degree, I made a pretty big life change and moved away from the only home I ever knew. This change occurred in a time of my life when my faith was considerably unstable; I had had nearly all my understanding of Christianity challenged, and seriously doubted whether my core identity as a Christian was merely founded on wishful thinking.

So entering a private Christian university culture was a bit unnerving to me as a disillusioned, skeptical, confused young man. I wanted out in some regards (waking up for early prayer with roommates, when I seriously doubted anyone was listening to us was cause for many grumpy mornings), but more than anything, I wanted to be reassured that all I had known throughout my adolescence was not a sham.

That reassurance came as the box in which I held God burst at the seams...

It was shortly after my 21st birthday, when I had come to enjoy taking pictures with my birthday gift, a digital camera. There was a particularly captivating sunset that afternoon, and seeking a higher vantage point, I visited my upstairs neighbor in order to use her balcony. She permitted me access to her balcony, and I took this panoramic shot.

As I left, my neighbor Amber stopped me and told me to read Psalm 77. I thought that odd, but thanked her nonetheless and left. That night, I sat at my desk and opened my Bible to read that Psalm.

It opened directly to Psalm 77.

Thinking that was interesting, I then proceeded to read the following:

I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands 
    and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; 
    I mused, and my spirit grew faint. Selah
You kept my eyes from closing;
    I was too troubled to speak. 
I thought about the former days, 
    the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
    My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

“Will the Lord reject forever? 
    Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?     Has he in anger withheld his compassion?” Selah...

I was dumbfounded. This Scripture perfectly reflected the state of my heart. Why did this girl tell me to read this? My mind began to race, searching for some reasonable explanation for this perfect alignment of Scripture, timing and personal circumstance. Surely this girl must have heard what I was going through and wanted to encourage me, or had read it herself recently and wanted to share.

None of that was the case, however. When I inquired, she simply told me that God had told her to say it...

This was my first experience of the unexplainable. I had never known God to display Himself in such  a miraculous way. When God used someone to speak to me in the past, I could always just caulk their words up to their own intellect or understanding for composing the content. Someone from church once said that God gave us minds, so we should use them. In this sentiment, God remains transcendent, intangible. But here, God was immanent, personal, and involved directly. 

My faith was restored and enhanced from this experience. I had a new fervor and hunger to encounter God in fresh, new, exciting ways.  I went to a church that had a prophecy ministry and received a message about my life that was uncanny; with incredible accuracy, these people I have never met before were disclosing things to me about my walk and character that they had no business knowing. I didn't feel exposed or violated; being known only through God's revelation was comforting. I was known by the God that created the universe, and according to this prophetic message, He had big things in store for my life. I have always held on to the message to encourage me and remind me of how big God is. That message I received back then seems to be ready to manifest in my life at any moment.

You see, as our community continues to choose to pursue the presence of God through His Holy Spirit, inviting Him to participate in our experiences, we are beginning to see incredible things happen. There is a phenomenon that happens when the Spirit decides to move powerfully, where when one is prayed for, the weightiness of the Holy Spirit can become so gloriously heavy and lovely that the person is overcome and collapses. It is a state of incredible comfort and love. We are starting to experience that in our church! Other gifts are bound to follow. We are hungry to prophesy, speak in tongues (foreign or even a heavenly language is uttered), heal diseases, injuries, and deformities... Scripture commands to eagerly desire spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 14:1). There are many ways God desires to manifest in willing believers to display His glory so long as we honor God by loving others with these gifts. They are not our possessions to hoard; they are for others to encounter the power of God and the advancement of His Kingdom.

Is this not what is missing in most churches in America? 95% of the things we do as a Church are doable apart from God, when 95% of what the early church did was doable only by the power of God. 

I am so excited to be a participant of a community that eagerly desires God to be intimately involved in the process of our lives. I want to tell really cool stories of the caliber of amputated limbs being re-grown simply by proclaiming it in the Name of Jesus. I want to tell how drug addictions are conquered and marriages are restored. I want to tell how people who have only known isolation and loneliness now have found belonging and family in the Church. I want to show the world that the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ is capable of transforming a lost nation to truly know joy and purpose.

If the Church in America actually exhibited these types of experiences of God, many will be freaked out, including those in the church. Some may be offended, intimidated or challenged to re-examine their perspective on life and the choices they make.  Some will repent and adjust their lives to make room for such an unpackageable God. Some will not. This is both the beauty and tragedy of our state. Some come to faith and others deny God the honor due His Name. My prayer is that He be known, however. As it is now, God can be ignored in our culture and that just doesn't sit well with my soul... The world needs to encounter God again, and it will only happen when His Plan A (the Church) decides to take their gift of faith seriously and partner with Him.

There is more to Psalm 77 that is fitting for this post, and when I read it all those years ago, I don't think I understood its significance.

Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
    the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works
    and consider all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O God, are holy.
    What god is so great as our God? 
You are the God who performs miracles; 
    you display your power among the peoples.With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, 
    the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah

The waters saw you, O God,
    the waters saw you and writhed; 
    the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water, 
    the skies resounded with thunder; 
    your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, 
    your lightning lit up the world;
    the earth trembled and quaked. 
Your path led through the sea, 
    your way through the mighty waters,
    though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock 
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

The Psalmist recalled the miraculous deliverance of the people of God from Egypt as a testimony to God's faithfulness and provision. When times seem dire, it is the past experiences of God that are incredible gifts to sustain us in faith. I know this exciting and enjoyable season of life will wane, and I will again know despair and confusion. This is the rhythm of life as we know it this side of eternity. But I will choose to remember and believe that God does indeed move powerfully in our lives. He is alive, and He loves us dearly, for He gave us His Son to make our connection complete and unbreakable.  

What is next? I have no idea! But it sure will be an adventure, and that ignites my heart to live richly.  If all these dreams of the miraculous occurring fizzle and deflate, if nothing comes of the opportunity to operate a community-fostering business, I choose to remember God's faithfulness. His grace is sufficient for me. And for that I am thankful.

Newness of Life in the Good News of the Kingdom

I recently heard a sermon on the text in John 11, the story of the raising of Lazarus, and what angle the preacher took with the story has sat in my mind for some time now. I cannot shake the truth of it and feel a need to gnaw awhile on it in hopes to have it become a part of me, to shape me and transform me into a more godly man. The preacher taught on the attentiveness of Jesus in the story as a key aspect of his ministry. Let's explore here together the importance of being present in the moments and events we find ourselves.

Why would Jesus weep over Lazarus' death when He knew the end of the story, that Lazarus would live? We know from earlier in the story (11, 14-15) that Jesus deliberately postponed going to Bethany where Lazarus was ill, in order to allow Lazarus to die, so that He could revive him four days after passing (truly a miraculous display of Jesus' power and glory). If Jesus knew the end game, should he have shed tears for such a loss that ultimately would be reversed? Imagine you had the supernatural ability to foresee when a loved one would die, and this person got in a horrible car accident. Would you doubt whether they would survive this trauma if your vision of their real death was still far off? No. It is not their time to die, so you would trust they'll pull through. The emotional charge of that moment, due to the uncertainty of what's to come, becomes neutralized by the foreknowledge. You know, now that I think about it, it is quite wonderful that we cannot know the fate of our lives, for I think we would be tempted to further disengage in our lives, being distracted by what is to come and preoccupied so heavily with the future that we miss the present. But I digress.

Why was Jesus "deeply moved and greatly troubled"? This gospel account reports that Jesus was violently agitated on two different occasions within this scene, first upon Mary's lament and weeping at their meeting, then upon going to and seeing the tomb. This word in the Greek has connotations of the act of a wild beast snarling and growling in anger. I can think of only three options to explain it: the author could be wildly dramatizing Jesus reaction, Jesus could be a fantastic actor and puts on a show (because let's be honest, if He knew what was to come, this behavior seems a little bit over the top), or Jesus was having an authentic response to the death and emotion of the event and what impact it was having on the community. Of course, the first two options are false in that it's completely out of character for both the author and Jesus to compromise the accuracy and authenticity of their account and character (respectively).

But why was Jesus so upset? It's simple yet profound. He fully entered the moment and allowed Himself to experience and feel the present. In seeing the grief and sorrow of Lazarus' sister Mary, Jesus wept with those who wept. He had and expressed empathy. In seeing the grave - the tomb - Jesus angrily groaned over the reality of death. I am reminded of the Genesis account where God created life, and breathed life into humanity. The fact that death exists, that sin entered the equation and mettles with His good plan for life and flourishing, greatly angered Jesus. Death and decay is not good. In God's plan in creating immortal beings, death is abnormal and contrary to His intentions for us.

I cannot help but think about my Grandpa, who after recently falling and cracking his top vertebra, has had complications and returns to the hospital. His recovery is very slow; it is uncertain whether he will recover, if he has the strength to pull through. He is, after all, ninety one years old; he has had a fantastic run, living an honorable life, full of sacrificial service to country and family, a model of steadfast devotion and loyalty. I admire Grandpa George immensely.

I also cannot help but think Grandpa George despises death too. I have picked up over the years how frustrating the aging process has been for him, needed new knees, keeping up with dozens of daily medications, worrying about whether his wife will fall again and do more damage than before. I don't blame him. I think this account of Jesus here in John 11 gives us permission to loathe death. It is, in a weird, paradoxical way, unnatural.

What should we learn from this story? For sure, physical death is not the end. Martha was right that there is a resurrection on the last day, when all will rise again (11:24). Whether you arise an "immortal horror or an eternal splendor" (C. S. Lewis), depends on whether or not you know and are known by the Almighty.

But there is more: I think Jesus shows us by example how we are to engage the trials of this world. He is not absent in thought and emotion, constantly preoccupied with shame of the past or anxiety for the future; nor does He flee all consciousness with distraction, intoxication or escapism. No. He fully engages every moment and experiences it all. He is present with people and prepared to offer Himself fully to all present. His relationships are rich. His interactions have significant and transformative impact on others.

What would it look like to embrace the present as the people of God, a Holy Nation? What if our attentiveness to the present was a key aspect to functionally becoming set us aside to be different and significant for God's purposes - His purposes of ushering in a new order to this existence? I pray this for my Grandpa, that in the midst of his pain, frustration and fear, he may press into the rawness of his experience and find there the Gracious God who knows the pain of death because He walked through it Himself and came out the other side, and in finding Him there, find the gift of His comfort and peace through the Holy Spirit to eventually enter this temporary death boldly and joyfully. I pray he knows God to be that loving and caring and gracious, that he can trust God to be enough for all that temporarily ails him. I pray it for my dad and my uncle, who face losing their dad, and in the meantime, need to figure out what to do for their mom so she receives the support she needs and will need. I pray it for my Grandma Janice, that she can boldly face the severity of their state - how awful it is - and that she can lean on the promises of the newness of life in Christ that's available even now in part (and fully after death) and be comforted, knowing a peace that surpasses all understanding.

And I pray it for you and me, that in all of our lives' circumstances, we courageously embrace the moments we've been given and cease to cheat those in our lives of the gift of our whole beings. It takes a radical reliance on the presence of God and His power in us to operate this way... that was God's intent all along. I look forward to the day when the people of God learn to walk in this holy way, more fully trusting God and themselves with what power we've been bestowed as bearers of His Spirit to share ourselves with the world and recreate new life in the broken and dying world. This is the Kingdom of God that is advancing. This is the Good News which is changing the world.

Grace Amidst Desolation

I have had one of the most unsettling, unproductive seasons of my life these last several months. It has been marked by discouragement, frustration, distraction, unrest, confusion, and occasionally despair.

Essentially, I have needed to be progressing with the writing of my thesis in order to finish and complete my graduation requirements for my Master's come October. At first, I attempted to plug away and get things done, but there came a point where I was so discouraged, so unfocused, that I stopped trying, and walked away from the whole process for over a month. Part of it was writer's block, part was that life just got incredibly messy, and I needed to move (and of course, looking for a new place, not finding one until two weeks after losing your current place, having everything in storage, needing to move in two stages, etc. does not at all lower the stress any). Yesterday, I was processing with my girlfriend Cary, and realized that a good portion of my disengagement in my academics was due to the fact that I am petrified of what is next. To finish is to be forced to move forward with life. I have no idea what that entails; the sin in me, my flesh, wants to have control of this when there is none to be had. It is God's territory, the future, and my disengagement was my fearful attempt to control the situation, even if it meant pain and costly misfortune financially... Funny how immature and selfish we can be.

As I resolved to break from academics, to rest in failing, I asked God to be with me in the process. He has been very faithful. I have not experienced the level of perceived condemnation that I would normally have taken upon myself in such failure. I almost feel as if God gave me permission to disengage from being responsible, from performing as one ought. This time has been an exercise in receiving grace, and His pardon has been full and sufficient. I have known it especially well through the love and support of those around me, those in my church and Cary.

I think there is a precedent of God working in this way, found in the story of Israel. Jewish history is riddled with occasion after occasion of them missing the mark, yet God remains faithful to them as a people and ultimately He "will banish ungodliness from Jacob" and "take away their sins" through the Deliverer (Romans 11:26-27). I have entered a season of completely missing the mark and have been met with acceptance and grace. I have not yet known such love as I am experiencing through this time. God truly has been using this season of my life, this wandering in the desert, to show me how enduring is His love, that He would send me manna from above, provide water from a rock, protection from poisonous snakes as I gaze upon the one lifted up.

I think my heart is nearly ready for the promised land, that next chapter of life marked by blessing and abundance, homecoming and joy and victory. I needed to fail, wander, and ponder my own ineffectiveness that I may press more into the provision of God. I'm not out of it yet, but I faintly see the dawn breaking.

What's that smell ?!

"When nothing else subsists from the past, after the people are dead, after the things are broken and scattered · the smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls · bearing resiliently, on tiny and almost impalpable drops of their essence, the immense edifice of memory" -Marcel Proust "The Remembrance of Things Past"

As I was running yesterday, listening to worship music and often singing along through panting breaths, lifting my hands in praise, I was occasionally bombarded by the wafts of lilacs in bloom. It was intoxicating. I instantly wanted to dance, to hug a stranger, to kiss away tears; life was just too grand in that moment - the Spirit too whelming - to be burdened with the worries and fears of this world. It smelled like Heaven on earth. It smelled like the Kingdom of God had fully broken forth into our world and abundant, eternal life was realized.

The apostle Paul illustrates the phenomenon of Christians living out their identity in generous love, describing it as the aroma of Christ (2 Cor. 2:14-16; Eph. 5:1-2; Phil. 4:18). He most likely associated this aroma with the animal sacrifices made at the Temple, i.e. barbeque. While I love the scent of meat roasting on a fire, this sacrifice of self-denying love toward others seems better suited to be associated with Spring flowers. There is something about the unique sweetness of flowers, paired with the vibrant colors of Spring to usher in the declaration of new life. With God's Kingdom coming, marked by New Life in Christ, I trust the aroma of Christ from His Bride will overpower the stench of death that emits from this evil world.

This is the picture the Spirit gave me as I ran in Christ. As we live out our identity as Christ's spotless Bride, our aroma will captivate those being saved. I pray as we Christians walk in freedom, we will smell the aroma of Christ, and remember the long legacy of the Saints, joining them throughout history in praise to our God, the Redeeming One. Bride, remember His promise to quickly bring justice to His chosen ones. Be diligent in prayer for His Kingdom to reign over the earth. Like a familiar smell can bring back to mind the most ancient of memories, allow your sacrifice to God to be the aroma of Christ, calling to mind the faithfulness and steadfast love of our God, the reason for our devotion, the source of our holiness.

M. Robertson

Kingdom Came!

When I left my house to go to the coffee house to read and see my girlfriend, I had not expected to be kissed by a 57 year-old Vietnam Vet, homeless and carrying a tall can of beer under his clothes. Twice.

It all started when "Laughlin" (like the city) asked me in passing for just a dollar, to buy a blanket, and I gave him five (had no change). Leaving, he said, "God bless you." I seriously doubt he knew that God would, that very moment, do just that. I said the same, but added, "Can I pray for you?" Laughlin either did not hear me or didn't understand, because I had to repeat myself twice. Once he understood my offer, he gratefully came to sit down beside me, and in a fervor, grasped my hands and began to pray, caressing my hands with his crackled ones. He started by declaring a most profound truth, that when two or more are gathered, there the Church is. He said it over and over as if to convince himself that indeed the Church had the answers to his problems. He continued to pray for forgiveness. He even professed faith in Jesus as the source of redemption. I sensed it was quite heart-felt, and I knew then there was more to do with him that night.

When he was done, I prayed over him, and declared forgiveness over him. He heaved emotionally, as if the words struck him tangibly. For so long, he longed to hear such good news.

When we were done praying, there was still great distress on his face. I asked him what was going on inside him, and he just began sharing his life. At that moment, he really missed a good friend, Martin. He had died. He told me that he was his closest friend and partner, as Laughlin is a bisexual. This did not deter me from staring straight into his eyes to show my acceptance of him. I felt like God wanted me to be Christ for him, and I know these are the ones Jesus flocked to. He also told me how he was dishonorably discharged from the Vietnam War for refusing to fight. He went into the war, having to serve two years, because of a drug charge; it was either jail or war, and he chose war for fear of being raped. Wouldn't you know, he ended up in jail anyways, and the pattern of serving time, being released, and falling back into trouble continued. His largest stint of some 18 years occurred when he did an errand for his drug dealer, by holding a gun to another users head as the dealer searched the apartment to collect on a debt. Well, the guy tried to grab the gun from Laughlin and it went off, killing him.

You can expect that Laughlin was not in a place to have much hope for his eternal security, let alone hope for this life. He prayed for the bare minimum, enough to just get by. I questioned that idea, asking whether he thought God wanted to give him more. I began to share the gospel of God's Kingdom, how Jesus desired release for the captives, and that His people walk in freedom now.

I think it was around then that another joined us. "Amal" was another guy living on the streets that broke into our conversation by asking me what Church I went to. He had not heard of it, and was roaming more of the downtown area, farther north from where I attend. He joined us and conversation bounced back and forth between how hard it is to be on the streets (and some good resources they knew of on how to get by) and the gospel of the Kingdom. I shared with them both from Mark 1:15: "The time has come. The Kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" I described that God's will was that now, with the coming of His Son to earth, Heaven would crash down into this world, and His ways would be known and lived out, bringing peace and justice.

Amal slipped away to grab his coffee. He eventually left after using my phone to call another Christian guy who was going to put him up for the night. It was in those times that I was able to share more of the Father's heart for the poor in spirit. I gave Laughlin my Bible and told him to read Luke, but with eyes looking to who Jesus sought after. He knew the answer already; he said the lowest of the low. I hope and pray he meditates on that truth, as he still doubts his chances of being redeemed from the pit. I shared Psalm 103 with him too. Right before we parted, we exchanged email addresses. He made me promise that I stay in touch and "continue to water the seed that I planted tonight." I assured him that I will, but encouraged him with one last scripture: “Sing about a fruitful vineyard: I, the LORD, watch over it; I water it continually. I guard it day and night so that no one may harm it. I am not angry." The Father is the vinedresser; He watches over and tends to the health of the vine's growth.

After that first prayer of absolving sin, Laughlin embraced my head and kissed my temple. When we at last parted, he embraced and kissed me again. He said I was one of the most beautiful souls he had ever seen.

I don't know if I'll see Laughlin again in this life. I'd like to think I will sit by him at the wedding banquet on that glorious day when Christ returns for His Bride. I tried emailing him at both addresses he gave me, but they didn't go through. I wanted to share with him from 1 John, how God is perfecting us in His love, that I saw God's hand on his life and that he should be encouraged and hopeful of the favor God has on him as a beloved son. It is a truth I am coming to know greatly. It is a truth that gave me the confidence to offer to pray for him as he was walking away, probably to go buy beer. Instead we spent a few hours in Church fellowship.

My friends, I experienced the Kingdom of God crash down into this world, where brokenness began to mend. His Kingdom came! And it is humbling to acknowledge it was me God chose to use. Bride of Christ, do you know who you are? Do you walk in your identity? Gaze into the eyes of your Lover to see how beautifully you are received. Walk in the freedom into which that love releases you. Give feet to the good news of our redemption and restoration, and captivate our discontent and jaded audience with your dance to our Father. It's time to shine.

Is greater effectiveness in attaining the abundant life possible?

There are several biblical principles that are quite familiar to any practicing Christian but I believe are seldom understood to a substantially beneficial degree. I have read hundreds of times Jesus' metaphor of the Vine and branches, illustrating the principle of Abiding in Christ; I can tell you much about it, but I'm afraid I do not do it well at all. This same familiarity applies to the concept of the Kingdom of God. Around 50 percent of the parables of Jesus describe in some sense this reality. Do I operate throughout life with any semblance of concern for such a reality, however? To name one example of thousands, do I get in my car and commute to work/school in such a way where I intentionally promote/advance the Kingdom of God, or is this concept (like Abiding) so ethereal - so intangible - that I simply understand on an elementary level, not at all living it out proactively?

This leads to the issue of self-evaluation. I trust the occasional examination of one's spiritual health is necessary, and albeit I am my own worst critic, I hunger for more growth, more godliness more often than not. All said and done, I look upon my life and fear what little progress I see toward maturity and obedience will be my condemnation.

Trust that even as I wrote this confession, I recall the mercy and faithfulness of God, and feel my words are more weighty than are accurate. Grace is radical acceptance, for which I am humbly grateful. I trust positionally, I am holy and blameless, in God's favor and secure. Practically, as I display holiness and godliness as an ambassador to Christ, I desire to do more. As a member of God's family, I desire more intimacy; I desire that that truth resonate and shape my life more than it does.

Now I have arrived at my proposition. It is not my own, but one I adopt as it aligns with Scripture.

What if the abundant life (marked by intimacy with God), is attainable if only we understood the principle of Abiding more clearly? What if Abiding was the key to our greatest concerns as Christians: to love God and others (Great Commandment), and to make disciples (Great Commission)? What if the Kingdom of God was here now - not just something to look forward to when Christ returns - but able to participate in now, as we grow in Christ-likeness? Could our bondage to the patterns of this world (Satan's reigning Kingdom marked by sin and death) truly be abolished in Christ, as He claimed He did? Could we experience significant freedom from sinful ways? Could living this freedom out in the world be what Jesus meant by us being salt and light to the world? Could we see a dramatic shift (and, in fact, participate in the cause) so that the world is controlled not by evil, but is submissive to God's righteous standard (cf. Ephesians 3:10)?

I want to explore these ideas. I want to test whether this is a forecast for how God intends to usher in the New Age, or if significant bondage and mediocrity are what we have to look forward to in this life. But mainly, I want (nay I need) help in learning how to abide in Christ. I need the Body of Christ (you fellow believers) in order to do this. Is this not just describing discipleship, an element to our faith so often left ambiguous on how to do it well?

If you are curious, passionate, confused, knowledgeable, etc. of such things as these, will you consider joining me to study and grow? I want to facilitate a Bible Study where your processing and interaction is just as important as any content I may compile and present.

Miserable Affection

“For the Lord is righteous; he loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold his face” (Psalm 11:7)

These last several weeks of defeat, bouncing back and forth between rebellion and repentance, has reminded me of the fact that the only good in me is that part of me touched and empowered by the Spirit of God inside of me. When I do good, it is the Lord’s life in me acting out good. What a glorious grace, that He would endure such grief to be with and in me! It breaks my heart and I hate all the more my frailty, my taintedness. I am angry at my state. I want to run far away from everything. And yet, there He is, persistently fixed to convince me of his radical devotion to me. I am undone by his love. I am humbled to a heap of sloppy mush, so uncomfortable in this acceptance, I know not what to do – I have no structure to act, to respond. I can’t even turn away from his loving gaze. I want to laugh at how pathetically helpless I am, rebuke Him for causing such discomfort. I am beholding the Lord’s face. He has made me upright by prostrating me with the weight of his love. He has made me righteous through the work of His Son, Jesus, on the cross. Enough already, God. Okay, maybe a little more.

Restored?

I have a question for my Christian friends.

Are you experiencing restoration?

Is this not the mark of God's presence in our lives? Should this aspect of our lives not point to the worth and wisdom of our God, as people ponder why we are more gracious, loving, healthy, balanced, whole... than the rest of this broken world?

Upside Down

The more I try to figure these out and make things work in life, the more disoriented and disturbed I become. I feel upside down. One is not particularly functional upside down. It's unnatural. It's a bit moronic as well. Trust I am describing myself and not anyone else. I will avoid outright accusing others of their depravity for the moment and settle with personal confession.

My mental capacity is horribly inadequate. I cannot attain a satisfying understanding of why the world is as corrupt as it is; the problem is exasperated when the God factor is considered. How can He allow the suffering and evil if He is so good? If He is who He says He is, knowing all and will all in His absolute sovereignty, then how and why the torment of loss and death?

My faculties for improvement fare no better. I will myself to live righteously, according to the notions of good that I judge to be best, only to find I have a skewed concept of right and wrong, or my actions have unforeseen consequences that should have been understood, for they are nothing new. I make the same mistakes over and over again. I do not learn from my mistakes. I trust still that I know best and can dig myself out of the hole.

But then there is the issue of fear. How many wasted years have there been due to the fear of failure, rejection, abandonment, disappointment. The very things we fear come about because of our fear of them. They are self-produced. I fear failing, and therefore, do not do which leads to failure. I avoid loving and being loved because I do not want to be rejected, only to be rejected for my failure to provide the very thing people need and want.

I try so hard not to fail in this Abundant Life promised us and am so afraid that I will miss out on what God has for me, that I accomplish my fears and miss out on Life. I try to stand on my own feet, thinking it is the right way to get to where I need to go, only I end up upside down.

When am I going to believe the Gospel?

When am I going to start to trust that all is taken care of and accomplished for me, and I am freed to live as I was intended to, all because Christ came and died, rose again, and gave us His Spirit to live in us, and quicken us to Life?

When am I going to flip upside down and start living the Kingdom way?

I need to die to find life.

I need to risk loving to be loved. This is not to say I can think of loving acts as a means to the end of getting my needs met, as if I just need to strategize and manipulate others to cause things to happen. I need to truly regard this lingering and compelling drive to control my life as the death of me, and toss it aside, not trusting that I can wield fortune for myself. Only then will I find life when I'm not looking for it. Only then will God have the room to move in me to be a blessing to others. Only then will I discover that it is in the union with my God that Life occurs.

Is this not completely absurd? The world does not comprehend this. It is foolishness. It is fantasy. It is fanatic. It is "unhealthy." According to the world, the Kingdom way is upside down and leads to craziness.

But being upside down is what puts us rightly in place for Life. I am dying for Life.

I am dying for it.

The Good Soil

I wrote a while ago about my basil plant. I have an update and an analogy to the faith.

Last I shared, the woody-stemmed, larger plant was blossoming. The smaller one wasn't doing as well. Both of those produced smaller leaves, but many. But that was about it... my plants plateaued at this stage for months.

I saw a basil plant at the supermarket. It was in the tiniest little pot, but there were lots of shoots and these big leaves. I bought it and replanted it in more soil. It was fine for a couple days, but then it all started to wilt. My new plant died. Now, all that is left are these trimmed stems, turned dry and brown.

Meanwhile, I decided to pay more attention to my faithful plant. I decided to give it more soil, like I did the failed, new plant. I found a bigger container and added more soil.

Something profound happened. The thing exploded, again! Except this time, the leaves grew so much larger. I got out of my plant (grown from seed) what I desired from the one I bought - these substantial leaves!

Not only that, but the smaller plant within the same pot as old faithful, is doing just as well as its bigger brother.

What can be learned from this? I am reminded of a parable Jesus gave. Mark 4 describes how the Kingdom of God is like one who sows seed, and some falls upon the road, some among the rocks, some among the thorns, and some among good soil. The seed upon the road is snatched up by birds; the rocky seed sprouts quickly, but wilts with no substantial roots taking hold; the thorns choke out the growth and the good soil flourishes. This is a metaphor for hearing the Word of God, his gospel, and how our environment affects what response we have to it. I have heard the gospel and for years, I have grown, only to be hindered in some way from thriving. I see how my choices, those things I CAN do, in my freedom, still are not beneficial, though perhaps permissible (1 Cor 10:23). I CAN surround myself with things, and gadgets and flood my eyes with titillation and distraction. But they do not edify. They are thorns. When I sit among vile things, numb to their influence, I rest upon rocks, and His good news will not amount to much, but wither.

Unless I transplant myself among good soil.

I did this with my plants, and they flourished. I gave them a more suitable environment to thrive and grow, bearing good fruit. Why can't we do the same thing for ourselves? Why can't we change our environments to better receive the good news of the Word (John 1:14-17)? What's stopping us? Our selfish pride, not wanting to be told how to live? Fear that the gospel may take us places we are uncomfortable in, losing control of what mundane lives we can live apart from God?

I noticed that in these last couple weeks, I have watched significantly less television. And I've been full of joy! I received more out of television that entertainment. I received a spirit of timidity and sloth, lust and loneliness. I can easily isolate myself in front of a television, and never have to deal with life, people, relationships, work, study, etc. It's an escape from reality, and as long as I plug myself up to its incessant flow of content and flickering images, I can ignore reality. Wow, what abundant life that offers (John 10:10)!

Now, there are other vices in my life that choke out my flourishing. I'm seeing how my compulsion to check Facebook is drawing me into similar patterns as television did (and still does when I feel particularly lazy).

My questions are these: What in your lives prevents you from flourishing? Could you benefit from new scenery? What can you strip from your lives to foster new growth and break free from stagnation and puny fruit? What thorns choke life out of you and need to be removed from your lives?

Are you going to act upon this and thrive?

Born of the Spirit

"Everyone born of the Spirit is blown by the Wind..." -- Jason Upton

I was running my fourth lap around the lake when I passed up, for the second time, an elderly man walking with two canes, named Carroll. I jogged twenty yards past, and felt compelled to stop. Asking if I could walk with him, we continued to around the lake chatting.

I'm glad I didn't keep running. We talked about nature (moose), gardening, television, his wife volunteering at the library, his recent hip surgery, my seminary education... and how his knee is in need of surgery/replacement. At the end, I asked if I could pray for his knee, and we did.

Let me tell you. I could tell that meant a lot to him. He mentioned once how he and his wife went to church, but he started confessing after the prayer his faith in Christ with much humility and gratitude to God!

We need to voice our faith with confidence. We need not be ashamed of the God who saves. We need to be willing to go wherever and do and say as the Spirit compels us.

Have you been blown by God somewhere or to someone recently?

Heaven on Earth Glimpsed

I've been having one of those weeks, where things are just making sense. And it isn't so simple as to say it is just this one way, excluding this or that. I am experiencing the joy of the LORD, and it is as if in His grace, the mysteries of the universe are revealed. If I could sum it up, it is paradox; God is both thoroughly pleased with the unfolding outcomes of His providence and the world's response, and at the same time, righteously angered and vexed with the rebellious and ignorant ways of humanity. I think this is possible because God is infinite and beyond time as we experience it.

I want to share a vision I believe God to have given me in grace, and I hope it edifies those who read this to better grasp the majesty of the Great God. I need to set the vision in context, however, which I will do now through narrative.

My journey of discovering God is going on its thirteenth year. Many of those years have been spent bouncing back and forth between treasuring the grace poured out on me (and fellow believers that we could even know Him) and writhing in the torture of not being able to offer up the level of devotion and honor due Him. This more unpleasant aspect of the Christian journey has found a new dimension of brilliance after spending a season discovering a most true and wonderful aspect of God: I had revealed to me the glory and majesty of God, grasping more fully the splendor of His Holiness. Do YOU comprehend what it means for God to be fully separate and other than you and I? We commit a grave error and dishonor to God when we consider Him altogether like us (see Psalm 50, and note the attitude of God in His frustration and anger toward an irreverent people). No, I'm serious. Stop and read it. I want the gravity of such a posture with God to settle into the depths of your soul. You should feel convicted and and undone, much like Isaiah felt before God (Isa 6).

This season of my life was the most profound I had experienced up to that point. God is OTHER. He burns with an intensity of glory that kills those not extended Christ's covering. To this, we should appropriately fall to our knees (and even face) in awe, fear and reverence to God, as I continually do. But that is not all.

In continuing the story, I must share how these newly discovered gems of truth quickened me and those journeying with me to action, as the Word of God must do. A quick tangent: Imagine God in the midst of creating, speaking things and life into existence! What power is behind the words of God uttered from Him! What transformative and creating power does the Word of God have in regards to us as we receive! Ponder that for a moment. God's Word was having an effect on us who were seeing glimpses of God's majesty, and it was profound. We were given eyes to see how God was and how the world was, and the natural response was to grieve the state of the world, even the Church, as she is still in a state of harlotry, just like Israel before the time of Christ's first coming. We grieved and were compelled to cry out for justice to be done God by crediting Him the glory due His Name. We thought this looked like separating our flock from perceived dangers of spiritual harlotry, that we as a church would not contribute to the state of adultery by partnering with churches with particularly controversial positions on things like abortion and homosexuality. Some of my friends, I fear, are stuck in this position of writhing for fear that they will be judged harshly by a wrathful and glorious God who is serious about the state of sin and the wrong actions born out of that state, if they do not devote their life to warning others of this character of God. While this is true and God remains a God of wrath, I have yielded to God's outpouring of revelation and sense the picture is much more grand than that. I think it was this sentiment that caused alarm and hesitation in the elders of our church to oppose my group and the things we urged to happen. It was a messy and destructive process. Grace should have been extended more liberally on all sides. I pray God redeem and create new life out of the rubble. I pray all sides trend slowly and lightly forward, speaking in humility and receptive to the truth the other side can and does speak for the other. The truth is in both sides, which ties into the vision given me. I'm not there just quite yet, however.

It was my mentor, Jerry Nelson, who I believe summed up well the next chapter of my journey, which I find myself in now and further offers a unifying truth to these two sides of the faith. He said (and I paraphrase) that what is most glorious about our God is the fact that in His Holiness and intense Glory, God is with us and offers the opportunity of relationship with Him through the Son's sacrifice. Immanuel is extending mercy to a depraved people despite how egregious our state is for Him. Remember, God is infinitely perfect and without wrong, without flaw or defect. Our very nature is compromised and it would go against the very nature of God to associate with us if it were not His nature to love gloriously and perfectly. It is for His Name's sake that He relent (Isa 48:11).

You see, what the elders of my church have steadfastly proclaimed and find foundational is the fact that God is loving and gracious and adamant at pursuing us for relationship. We too, can express our devotion to God through relationship with Him and one another. This is all very biblical and beautiful. And you must also see that my small group who had revealed to us the splendor of God's majesty, on an ontological basis - His very essence - was discovering and responding to truths that are very much biblical and beautiful. Even our warnings and desires for pursuing holiness (i.e. separateness) are biblical. What once was seen as contradictory in my eyes, how my elders either had it wrong and my small group had it right, or vice versa, I see that way no more. Now, I see, as in a vision, the persons of our God like a many-faceted jewel, sparkling brilliantly from one vantage, at which the sight makes you lose your breath and you can't help but fall to your face in worship, for He is that gloriously majestic and beautiful. Only, circle about the Jewel, which is our God, and from that vantage you behold a whole different scene, with wholly different truths, yet equal in importance though different in response. It is the same God, but more complex than our minds can conceive. He truly is infinitely Holy and Glorious, full of Grace and Love, wrath and mercy.

Let me tie this to a couple parables that Jesus shared:

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had bought it" (Matthew 13:44-46).

Upon beholding God, we experience a revealing of truths: of Him, of our world, and of a proper response aligned with such profound insights, and we are much like the man and the merchant in that such a treasure as God demands response, only there is not one right response. Just like the man is compelled to purchase property (where the treasure is amply located), the merchant is compelled to purchase a pearl, the object of his desire. Depending on one's vantage, a proper response may look differently than what another's response should be. You may need to buy land to build a church to serve God. You may have to adopt an orphan girl and name her "Pearl." It's going to look different depending on where we are with God. The coherence of responses, though, is that sacrifice and self-denial is required. Both the merchant and the man had to sell all that they had. We cannot only partially turn away from our worldly lives, not in the end. The more we gloriously search out the matter of God's persons (Proverbs 25:2), the more we realize we will never be the same. Sanctification is to be conformed to His likeness; do not forget that. God is jealous and will purify His Bride.

Realizing these things this week has been like entering the throne room of God, despite physically being bound to this fallen world. Heaven is a lovely notion, a reality not yet received. It has been glimpsed, however, and it steadies me for more abuse until He takes me home, into His Arms.

A Theological Calibration on Life

So, I'm a seminary student, and part of the curricula is to engage in a mentoring program that fosters character growth spiritually. I chose this semester to work on that aspect of faith for the Christian regarding confidence and identity, where the believer not only knows about God's grace, but responds to Him with adoration and service. I described it as actualizing the Scriptural description of being "more than [a conqueror.]" Romans 8:34-39 says this:

Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I wish to start my calibration from the Scriptures with this truth from Paul. We can have the confidence that Paul had (and exhorted the Romans to have) because Jesus intercedes continually for us, who trust in Him. It says that in Hebrews 7:25 as well: "Therefore he [Jesus] is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." The love of God rests on the Son; the love of God is in Christ Jesus! So if Jesus is interceding and acting as a mediator between us and the Father, then who or what can separate us from the intimate love our gracious God offers us? The answer is nothing!

I need to own this more than I do. I often fall into thinking that my sin separates me from God. That even sounds biblical. But the truth is that I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit and He dwells in me. In grace, He reveals truth to me and patiently waits for me to truly own it. I can grieve the Holy Spirit in me and silence Him for a time, but grace trumps sin. That is, in part, the gospel.

I started this semester more energetic than normal for me, and sought to completely alter my character, eliminating my flaws through a systematic evaluation of every lie and stronghold from the Enemy. I based this off of 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, where it says, "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I do recognize that many of the character flaws I have are due to me agreeing with the lies that intend to deter me away from God (at least from my perspective). I planned to use this semester to attack every thought and test it to the knowledge of God, to see if it was contrary to Scripture.

Well, that got exhausting and lost a lot of steam after a few weeks. That, and the excitement wore off. I still think it is a valid and useful practice and that I need to do that often, but I realize now that I was operating more out of my own ability and strength than allowing the Holy Spirit to simply nudge me when I was buying into a lie. I whole-heartedly believe that God gave us the Spirit in order to serve us. He receives great joy from doing so. How often do we feel like a burden to God for being such a mess? I feel this way, as if God will breathe a sigh of relief when we finally arrive and no longer sin. What a lie! My heart, please understand how treasured I am to God!

One thought I have taken captive was this great plan I developed for myself to realize a more godly character. I developed an ideal Michael in my mind as to what I would be like fully living for God. This Michael was joyful, inviting, assertive and outgoing, readily eager to share the good news of Jesus as God with us. I imagined that I needed to be a bubbly extrovert...

I'm not a extrovert. I can't muster it. With the help of my mentor, I began to realize that there are some aspects of my personality that do not need redeeming. I do not need to operate by default as one who pursues strangers for the gospel. This is not to say that I am off the hook from God ever wanting me to serve in that role, but I don't need to become one who feeds off of such interactions... quite the opposite occurs, in that it takes a lot of energy to play that type for me. That yoke would not be too easy.

So what of one of my goals to initiate conversation with random strangers with the intent of sharing my faith (at least twice a month all semester)? I had the grandest intentions... but whenever I found myself in a cafe` or bookstore around such people, it felt disingenuous in that I would more be serving my needs, in fact I'd be using them, to "better" myself. A forced gospel presentation is not authentic and edifying, it is means to a selfish end, if not motivated out of a genuine love for neighbor.

Also, as I found from Scripture, those encounters I imagined having are out of context with where and how the disciples witnessed. Throughout the account in Acts, when Christ's apostles and others were sharing the gospel, there was occasion for it that was fitting to the environment. Peter and others taught at the Temple almost exclusively. In that culture, religious centers acted as a recreational hang out, and the topic of discussion was religion! If I were to intrude on the man at the coffee shop, interrupting his reading to force God on Him, I would not be aligned with the Scriptural model given me. Now if this person was reading a Bible or some other Spiritual literature, and looked perplexed, I have more of a legitimate context for engaging in conversation, as there is a logical link.

So, I am in need of adjusting me contract goal to better suit my purpose. I need to be willing and available for God talk, but within an appropriate context. I have the thought to offer a Bible study and meal at my apartment once a week to my neighbors, the vast majority I do not know or interact with. By offering such fellowship, I anticipate it would meet several needs for my neighbors, and there would be no pressure or awkwardness to respond to a piece of paper. Who knows how many might need and want social interaction who otherwise gets very little? Who knows how many might have questions about God? Who knows how many might just need a meal?

This might flop, but I'm going to give it a try. The point is that I try to be a person I would want to encounter. I feel compelled to share what hope and joy I receive from God, and alleviate the hurt of this world by offering guidance toward the Cure. Is this not the Great Commission, to immerse and submerge and dunk everyone in the Name and subject of the Triune God, to His glory?

Shame vs. Conviction

The distinction was reiterated once more, this time in my formation group. I think I could benefit from meditating on this issue.

Shame = an underlying notion of character deficiency; The shameful person believes there is something inherently wrong with him or her; It is guilt that leads to death.

Conviction = an uneasiness or disappointment of one's choice or action; The convicted person realizes a behavioral failures/mistake; It is guilt that leads to repentance.

2 Cor 7:8-11:

Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

Why is it so hard to "go there"? I can write pages about how the principle should play out in theory, but when it comes to assessing my own life and my own feelings, I hesitate. I think I buy into shame more than I do conviction. It is hard to shake off shame when so often those things we do that we hate seem unavoidable; it is true bondage. It is easy to buy into the lie that there is something wrong with you when you can't measure up to the standard you set for yourself. I don't know who will read this. More than being embarrassed that I often feel incompetent, I wonder if a non-Christian viewing this would be confused, for they view themselves differently than I do myself. I wonder if they feel the pressure to measure up in some fashion, like I do according to the Biblical model of a godly, regenerate representative of God's Kingdom. I wonder if it just doesn't matter, or they have no aspiration for self-improvement, for they don't get their sense of happiness from realizing an increased spiritually healthy state. Are they then free to just be and subsequently find a sense of happiness, or are free to improve without even trying?

What role does Satan play in twisting states for Christians? Does he invest more resources in distorting truth for the Christian, to sabotage the potential witness that believer may bring? Do we Christians have it harder than all other types of people in the world? I get that there are those who face hunger and disease and war, disasters and crime... I realize that my state could be much worse. I realize I could be on the street and not know where my next meal will come from. I realize I could be without a car and dependent on government aid and public transportation to make ends meat. I, however, know for a fact that poverty speaks very little to one's happiness, for I have been in fellowship with significantly poorer people from Nicaragua who were happier than most people I encounter in the US.

I don't expect this shame that I feel to just drop off me (unless, Jesus, you want to do that for me), but what I can choose to do is to proclaim the truth and start the healing process. I am a Child of God, a co-heir with Christ, who has the seal of the Holy Spirit, dwelling within me, who never leaves me and intercedes for me with groans that go beyond words. I am deeply loved. There is nothing that I can do, there is no depths of depravity that I can sink that will render void my saintly status of blessed. Nothing can separate me from Christ's love, not even my ignorance that it is always there, conquering though I'm blind of the results. There is no condemnation for those in Christ, and indeed, I am in Christ. I am abiding in Jesus, my vine and sustenance, for I am continually filled with the truth of God and the ways of the Kingdom. I believe and act on my faith in Christ Jesus by confessing with my heart and lips the glory of my King, who has begun establishing His Heavenly Kingdom of truth and justice. I am free, for Christ has set me free in the inner man. I no longer sin, but rather it is the sin in me, in my carnal flesh, that does evil. I eagerly await the resurrection body that I may be fully free and integrated physically with who I am now, the spiritual new life I have in Christ. ALL of my failures are forgiven and not counted against me. It grieves the Holy Spirit, but God's longsuffering is patient and enduring, able to withstand centuries of offense, for the sake of displaying His glory and worth as Sovereign Ruler, for He delivers His people, those who call upon the Name of Jesus for mercy and grace, which He gives abundantly. My God is mighty and awful. His majesty humbles me, for I am found in His favor, considered a prince. His love reigns. It is His kindness that leads me to repentance, for I trust that He believes in me, and His joy strengthens me.

Even if I amount to nothing in life, and according to the world, I have failed life miserably, I am confident that my Daddy will receive me with open arms and royal robes when this age fades.

Who's Your Daddy?

I was recently struck with the realization that I hadn't a clue what it meant to be a child of God, for deep down, that concept unnerved me and riddled my thoughts with unreachable expectations of godliness that could not possibly apply to me.

So below will be a barrage of New Testament texts that have reference to the sonship of God by adoption. I'll attempt to piece together the beginnings of a theology on the saints' adoption as God's children, which I determine to be greatly lacking understanding in the current Christian milieu. My fears are that the enemy continues to convince us that this is made void by sin and best forgotten. My hopes and most earnest prayer is that the beauty of this rema of God (word or thought for the moment - cf. Ephesians 6:17) will so penetrate the depths of our souls that we find empowerment in our sonship and truly begin to live.

So here goes. I'll comment after each passage.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Matt 5:9)

These are Jesus' words from his sermon on the Mount, part of the beatitudes. I am immediately reminded of the words of Paul to the Corinthians: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." The new creation of believers in Christ are in the business of making peace and reconciling God to humanity. They are called sons of God.

...those who are considered worthy to attain to that age [of eternity] and to the resurrection from the dead... cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection. (Luke 20:35-36)

Oddly enough, these are Christ's words to the Sadducees regarding a quandary they presented him about marriage and heaven. For my purposes I wanted to stress the fact that such sons of God are given new resurrected bodies and cannot die. They are also made equal with the angels in that day, inferring a glory hard to fathom in our current state and thought.

The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. (John 1:9-13)

Faith in the person of Jesus Christ, the one true illuminating and exposing light and source of purpose and existence, is the only means to attain God's favor and the title of child of God, more than an adoption; a rebirth "of God" (cf John 3:3-6). There is no second-rate sonship here!

"You know nothing at all. Nor do you understand that it is better for you that one man should die for the people, not that the whole nation should perish." He did not say this of his own accord, but being high priest that year he prophesied that Jesus would die for the nation, and not for the nation only, but also to gather into one the children of God who are scattered abroad. (John 11:49-52)

Caiaphas' words, the high priest during the time of Jesus' crucifixion, to his officials. Honestly, this passage perplexes me. How could he prophesy such a thing? What does this say to his culpability in pursuing such a thing if God gave him the wisdom of such a sacrifice? Anyways, I love John's commentary and foreshadowing of the ministry to the Gentiles, that God's children are "scattered abroad" and awaiting the proclamation of the gospel so that they can respond and be made new by God.

For if you live according to... the Spirit [and if] you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us... the redemption of our bodies. (Rom 8:13-18, 23)

I think this is crucial for the Church to understand. A wise man called Christianity a "serious and difficult religion." There are tasks for the Christian, mainly that we must live according to the Spirit given us, not quenching the Spirit (i.e. grieve) but die to the ways of the sinful nature. The contrary is to live as the world does, looking and behaving no differently than the world, in which case we truly have lost our saltiness and hid our light under a bowl.

The Spirit reveals truth (John 16:13) and the truth is that if we are God's we are His children. This is of great comfort to me. When I actually celebrate God's closeness with me, and honor Him, I have experienced my affections changing toward His ways and His thoughts. This of course makes the Christian stand out in a corrupt and evil world, and brings persecution and suffering. This is scary only to the Christian who does not yet comprehend the peace and joy that comes from owning one's sonship and heirship. Princes and Princesses indeed we are who treasure Christ!

So then, the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian, for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ... And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise. (Gal 3:24-27, 29)

The Abrahamic covenant is one that through his seed (ultimately Christ himself) Abraham would start the ball for a mighty nation for God, that would bless all the earth. Has this not already begun (see Schmidt's How Christianity Changed the World to discover Christ's profound impact on all of culture, often taken for granted today, e.g. we no longer have the common practice of killing newborns because they are not the preferred male)? Indeed it is the people of God that have been justified and clothed in Jesus, the perfect representation of humanity.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life (Phil 2:14-16)

Can you imagine a world where this group emerged who were free of complaint, but perfectly content and even joyous in the midst of hardship? Would they not shine so brightly, that the hungry and sick would want to join them and the self-righteous and affluent would despise them and persecute them, but to no avail?!

And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming. If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him. See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure... No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God (1 John 2:28 - 3:3, 9-10)

I would believe that Satan would be very content in deceiving Christ's disciples into thinking that they were not yet considered God's children, that we have not yet been given a portion of our inheritance already, mainly Christ himself! I do not think it is too far fetched to say that the Enemy works very hard to put this into question for many believers, in attempts to discourage and paralyze the Saints. This has been my experience, and yet, I think the days are numbered that I feel defeated by sin and unworthy/unable to enjoy my God and be enjoyed by Him. You see, my hope is rising, and it is found solely in Christ, and I am pure and being purified still. Sin has lost its grip on me because God has called me His own.

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments... We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him. We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. Little children, keep yourselves from idols. (1 John 5:1-2, 18-21)

Some two thousand years after Christ came, our condition for understanding the gospel is somewhat different than that of the first established churches. There are many "Christians" who believe Jesus is the Christ (Savior), only they are not born of God. This passage can be taken out of context to say all who pray a prayer of belief are saved from hell. This is how I understood it growing up. I think passages like 2 Cor. 11:1-15 show that different versions of the gospel, highlighting slightly varied nuances, depicting a "Jesus" other than the true historical and holy Jesus are the Enemy's schemes to ruin God's work and lead many astray.

Imagine how if Paul, within the first 20 years of establishing the Church in Corinth, was bombarded with false presentations, how much more so will we, two millennia later, have such evil ploys infiltrating our understanding of the gospel. Indeed, I believe that is why the Reformation fractured the Faith into thousands of pieces. God, in His wisdom and grace, has revealed error, and compelled repentance in his saints and disassociation from those who treasure more the kingdom that they established through worldly means and that is reinforced with worldly benefits. But to the credit of Satan, he even used this splitting to distract and cause strife. You see we have admonitions from the epistles to avoid fakers, but Jesus' spoke of how wheat would grow intermingled with the weeds. What am I trying to say with this tangent of sorts? There was a time when the followers of Christ, those true children of God, lived out their authority and so shone in a dark and evil world that they could not help but change the world, because God was with them. We saw this when the early church unraveled the pagan-worship model of religion, and radically redirected the course of culture toward the things of God, with Emperor Constantine as a landmark. Then there was a time when God raised up another son to challenge the corrupted religious institution that was completely void of the essence of Christ's gospel; that landmark was Luther, and there are many who paved the way and supported him in this re-calibration of Christianity...

I believe there is a new time coming and indeed started, where the children of God will rise up to the challenge of being salt and light to the world once again. This is not to negate those throughout the between times who truly grasped the gospel. Those people exist. Indeed, God's grace to reveal truth throughout the age by the Spirit has not been lacking entirely. Is it not, however, becoming so dark that we are due time for the dawn to come once more?

Ecumenism has been a pursuit for decades. But its premise has been to compromise, to overlook heretical doctrine and find the lowest common denominator. There has been very little defining of what "gospels" and "Jesus"s are actually embraced. And that is why even after decades of attempts to reconcile faith traditions for the common good will continue to fail. They are not all children of God, and the love for one another does not come naturally like it does for the children of God, when they own their special place in God and live abundantly through that. I believe there will be children pulled from many different traditions, whom are inclined to the true gospel, for they are hand-picked by God.

What a beautiful day that will be when the children of God raise up in confidence of their status, empowered by their God whom they gird themselves with, and so shine with a most glorious brilliance! Lord, your Kingdom come, and quickly.